The beginning -- The bookkeeper for the Church of Satan -- Part one. Dump jail -- Mongering -- 309.28 -- Rocks on top of other rocks -- Pills are science -- Daddy pitchfork -- Nerve food -- The middle -- The middle -- Graveyard fun -- Part two -- Maine humor -- A kingdom property -- The IT guy for Duck Dynasty -- So thin is the skin of my people -- You are normal people -- Vacationland -- A little beyond the limits of safe travel -- The end -- Yippee.

"Although his appearances as the "resident expert" on The Daily Show With Jon Stewart were founded on fake news and invented facts, in 2016 that routine didn't seem as funny to John Hodgman anymore. He was left only with the awful truth: he was an older white male monster with bad facial hair, wandering like a privileged Sasquatch through three wildernesses: the hills of Western Massachusetts where he spent much of his youth; the painful beaches of Maine that want to kill him (and some day will); and the metaphoric haunted forest of middle age that connects them. Vacationland collects these real life wanderings, and through them you learn of the horror of freshwater clams, the evolutionary purpose of the mustache, and which animals to keep as pets and which to kill with traps and poison. There is also some advice on how to react when the people of coastal Maine try to sacrifice you to their strange god. A funny, poignant and sincere account of one human facing his forties, those years when men in particular must stop pretending to be the children of bright potential they were and settle into the failing bodies of the wiser, weird dads that they are. American humorist John Hodgman is the author of The Areas of My Expertise, More Information Than You Require, and That Is All."--Provided by publisher.